Essay check: Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although it is sometimes thought that young people should be motivated by parents to live by their own once they become mature, other people believe that they ought to reside with the family. I consider that encouraging them to live outside of their parents’ house will help them to live more independently.

Thesis statement should always mention the reason of your opinion.

On the one hand, some people think that youngsters who are encouraged to move out of the house often become more independent and I agree. In other words, living without family aids them to live with more liberty which consequently leads them to take decisions by/on their own. Sachin Tendulkar, for instance, left his home at the age of nineteen to pursue his career in cricket. At present, he is the most successful sportsman in the world. Furthermore, being driven to live independently not only teaches youngsters the value of money, but it also prepares them to spend it wisely.

The first point (that it makes them independent) is fully developed, but the second one (that they value money) is not fully extended. Make sure that you never leave a point without explanation.

On the other hand, it is often believed /others believe that it is better if youngsters live with the family. This is because many parents believe/feel (avoid frequent repetition) that their loved family members might get exploited as they are more vulnerable if they live by their own. Take Miara Khan for example, an aspiring actress, who moved alone to Mumbai to act in movies was accused of keeping drugs at her apartment. Later, during investigation it was found that her rivals had planned it against her. Hence, allowing them to stay alone can lead/put them into unnecessary trouble according to some families.

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that young pupils stand a better chance of becoming more independent and respect/value money if they are encouraged to move out of the house once they become older.

Try to use synonyms for independent (since it is being used very frequently) like self sustaining, self supporting.